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A new viral trend says you can understand men by comparing them to animals. So are you married to a “rat” or a “rottweiler”? Take our quiz to find out!

Every six months or so, a new animal partner is chosen on social media. As you may recall, the most popular partner at the end of last year was the golden retriever. Why? Because Taylor Swift had one in the form of the feisty American football player Travis Kelce.

In fact, she still has it, which is typical of Golden Retrievers. They are super loyal and won't leave your side for anything (except maybe the odd 22-yard touchdown pass).

This summer there's a new must-have mammal – the “Hot Rodent” – and this guy couldn't tell one end of an American football from the other. Rodent studied drama at school while the retrievers were on the playing field, but what he lacks in muscles he makes up for in endearingly quirky outfits that only need to be occasionally modified before leaving the house.

Retrievers and rodents are not the only partner species. Which one is it? You have no idea which one is yours? Then you need to fill this knowledge gap immediately. Read on…

Golden retriever

Posterboy

Travis Kelce, and if you have no idea who Travis is, think Joey from Friends. To sound like Gen Z at dinner parties, note that the man in question has “major GR energy.”

Treacherous behavior

Running alongside your train as it leaves the station (GR is every health and safety officer's nightmare) and wandering aimlessly in circles if you lose it in John Lewis haberdashery.

According to TikTok, GR likes to tie your shoelaces for you without being asked. While annoying, it's GR's way of showing affection, so maybe switch to ballet flats while he's in his shoelace phase.

rottweiler /German shepherd dog

Poster boy David Beckham, who admittedly also has “great GR energy” and is therefore probably actually a German Shepherd.

Treacherous behavior

Rottweilers are wary in social situations because they can lead to biting. And when a Rottweiler bites, you scold him – which makes him sad. Whether he's a Rottweiler or a slightly less fearsome German Shepherd depends on how seriously he takes his role as protector. If his response to a male waiter helping you with your coat is “Hands where I can see them, mate,” then he's a real Rottweiler: think Russell Crowe from the 2000s.

Hot rodent

Posterboy

I'm Kieran Culkin.

According to a recent article in Dazed, rodents are “often not conventionally good-looking, but that just makes them hotter.” Many TikTokers also point out the challenger Co-stars Josh O'Connor and Mike Faist (two-thirds of the film's now famous “threesome”) are examples of this type.

Treacherous behavior

Despite his attractiveness, Rodent is undeniably strange, even chaotic, and can take unexpected turns with little to no warning. But that doesn't bother anyone, because he weighs less than 100 pounds and wears a knit tank top.

Reptiles

Posterboy

Timothée Chalamet, of course.

There's a lot of overlap between reptile and rodent: they're both the opposite of toxic masculinity, edgy, and (at least the celebrity versions) unlikely to be photographed leaving a gym.

Treacherous behavior

The main difference between a reptile and a rodent is visual, not behavioral: the reptile is a classic, good-looking creature, which means that explanations of its attractiveness never have to include the addition “but it’s really very funny.”

Hoarse

Posterboy

Bear Grylls. While GRs and Rottweilers love being outdoors, Huskies always are. Every article of clothing he owns has the word “Trek” written somewhere on it, and you gave up arguing about the zip-off cargo pants long ago.

Treacherous behavior

The Husky is loyal, but cannot see the world through the eyes of people who do not like sleeping bags. To determine if you have a Husky or a Retriever, go back to the haberdashery store and hide behind a pillar.

If you see him pacing restlessly next to the patterns when he emerges, you have a retriever; if he has built himself a bivouac out of natural yarn, he is a husky.